Wednesday, December 9, 2009

An Open Letter To Kathleen Lolley

Oh, nationally renown Louisville-based artist Kathleen Lolley. Is there any holiday you can't conquer with your whimsy? You've already stunned and delighted us with your Lolley Land window display during Halloween. Now you've gone and turned Christmas into a Burton-esque dreamscape of nightmarish wonder.

Just look at what you've wrought upon the holidays this time:

A beautifully hand-crafted, limited edition Strawberry and Bee Christmas Tree Ornament. The anthropomorphic bee creature on the front is obviously up to no good and should be kept far away from innocent people's Christmas presents. On the back side of his strawberry home are a couple of bee minions on their way to do his dirty work. Gosh dang, Kathleen Lolley. The ornaments are adorable, captivating, and irresistible. And since they're only $25, no Christmas tree will be safe from your magic! How DO you do it?

As if the ornaments weren't enough, you had to go and make some amazing holiday cards, too. It's well known that more and more people are befriending and giving holiday gifts to Yetis this year, so obviously you jumped at the chance to make your "Friends With A Yeti" card as widely available as possible. It's as if you knew that I, personally, have an uncle who is a lovable Tree Being, and I'm always looking for the right way to wish him a happy Hanukkah. I really have no choice but to send him your "Owl & Tree Hug" card. And how did you know that my sister constantly has an owl friend perched upon her right shoulder? How can she resist your "Happy Holidays" card that features none other than an owl perched upon a girl's right shoulder? Truly you are a warden of magical beasts.

The most maniacal part of your whole plan is that your ornaments and cards, as well as your T-shirts, pillows, and other accessories, are conveniently available at WHY Louisville. Hell, most of them can even be ordered online. Like the Grinch before you, surely you will not be satisfied until you've either conquered Christmas or the Whos down in Whoville have made your heart grow three sizes.

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