"Just because I'm 45, overweight, asthmatic, and cripplingly nearsighted doesn't mean I'll never play in a FIFA World Cup," you tell yourself.
But it does. It does mean you'll never play in a FIFA World Cup. Not even for a minute. Never in this lifetime. Your cleats will never touch the rye grass of Ellis Park Stadium. We're sorry to be the ones to break it to you.
Once you stop crying, you should come into WHY Louisville for some retail therapy. Clear all those Taco Bueno wrappers off your coffee table and make room for Tabletop Foosball. It's exactly like the World Cup, except the players have been cruelly impaled by a giant steel bar and there aren't any yellow cards to deal with.
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